Not Back to School

I had a 'breath caught in my throat ' moment this morning.

Disturbing, and healing all at the same time.

All because we started back to school this week.

You see, I ended up with a very busy couple of weeks, between preparing to, and speaking for my weight loss support group last Friday, and preparing to and leading our local home school support group meeting on the first day back to school.

Makes for one busy girl.
Lots to keep my mind occupied, and if I am completely honest, a little overwhelmed with the busy.
Fortunately it's a 'when it rains it pours' proposition, and the rain doesn't last for extended periods.
So we have a quiet period.

My mind has  moment to process.

That's when it happened.

It's not that it hasn't happened before, but not quite this way.

I realized that we still have one missing.
One that DIDN'T start school this year.
One for whom the day to day responsibility for parenting is not mine.
One that I never got to bring home.

The quiet afford me the moment to think of what grade he would be entering.
That's when it hit me.
I didn't know off the top of my head.
The shock hit me that I actually had to think about it this year.
Devestated, because I never thought the day would come. For a second scared that I would forget. That I could ever forget.
Healing, because it wasn't the main preoccupation.

To all the moms not sending one back to school, or stating them back to a school year for the same reason,  or simply fresh in your missing your little one, my heart goes out to you.

Please take some time to be kind to yourself if you are currently struggling.