Not Back to School

I had a 'breath caught in my throat ' moment this morning.

Disturbing, and healing all at the same time.

All because we started back to school this week.

You see, I ended up with a very busy couple of weeks, between preparing to, and speaking for my weight loss support group last Friday, and preparing to and leading our local home school support group meeting on the first day back to school.

Makes for one busy girl.
Lots to keep my mind occupied, and if I am completely honest, a little overwhelmed with the busy.
Fortunately it's a 'when it rains it pours' proposition, and the rain doesn't last for extended periods.
So we have a quiet period.

My mind has  moment to process.

That's when it happened.

It's not that it hasn't happened before, but not quite this way.

I realized that we still have one missing.
One that DIDN'T start school this year.
One for whom the day to day responsibility for parenting is not mine.
One that I never got to bring home.

The quiet afford me the moment to think of what grade he would be entering.
That's when it hit me.
I didn't know off the top of my head.
The shock hit me that I actually had to think about it this year.
Devestated, because I never thought the day would come. For a second scared that I would forget. That I could ever forget.
Healing, because it wasn't the main preoccupation.

To all the moms not sending one back to school, or stating them back to a school year for the same reason,  or simply fresh in your missing your little one, my heart goes out to you.

Please take some time to be kind to yourself if you are currently struggling.

So It Begins!!! Back to School We Go.

Today was our first day back after a break from hitting the books! 

We spent a few weeks gearing up for the new year, and taking a well needed, well deserved break, and have gone back to it.

As you can see my boys are getting a little too old to be thrilled about our traditional back to school photos. Note cheese-y plastered on fake smiles.

They even went so far as to work diligently to avoid looking at the camera.

We have enjoyed our first day well enough, as unorthodox as it was for a first day back.

We had a few early risers who hit the books very early, and then we chose to get ready and change the scenery before too much of the day disappeared on us.

We took  advantage of the short lines and ran some early morning errands. It afforded us the opportunity to practice our every day courtesies; waiting patiently in lines for our turn, keeping ourselves occupied in a non-obnoxious way, making pleasant conversation with people.

I think it worked out well for us, because it gave us a break, before returning back home to finish off the book work.

Fortunately, we have had lots of cooperation today, because we have also chosen to  reinforce a forgotten policy,  whereby tech time must be earned, and only after the days' responsibilities are taken care of, rather than the kids making the assumption that they are 'allowed' to have tech time 'just because'.

I give it three days before the novelty wears off and we have to work to keep this going.

But for today, I'm proud of the work they chose to put in on their first day back to it.

We've come a long way baby: For Better or for Worse

There is a saying that makes its way around the internet:
The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger.

It's true in a way. But it doesn't really reflect the work that's involved in making the choices that get you there.

I have great respect for prior generations that walked into marriage with the assumption of 'this is for life'. For better or worse. The days when marriages lasted Fifty, Seventy-Five years.

It's interesting though, when one is getting married now, how the 'worse' is glazed over.
In reality though, it's how you handle the 'worse' that manages how long you get to have the 'better'.

My husband and I have had our share of mountain top experiences: A wedding, a first apartment, a first house, six children, personal victories, the joys that come when we see the product of our hard work.

We have also been through the heart break that only life's stresses can bring: moving, adding children to the family, carrying a child with a fatal diagnosis to term, and then burying the same child, massive weight gain, and the fall out that is brought on a family when it happens, chronic pain, finances, large family stresses, special needs, mental illness in the family, and more.

We have chosen though, that both the victories and the failures, the joys and the struggles are going to be seen through the same lens. The lens of 'For Better or Worse'.

That fuels how we make our choices, and inevitably, our outcome.
 We don't do it from a place of perfection. The journey still continues.

So, today, I wanted to pause and wish my husband a Happy Anniversary. I'm ready to tackle the next chapter.
Fourteen years and counting, but I'm in this with you for life.

But Daddy Told Me To!

A walk down memory lane if you please.... 

The date is September 6th, 2007.

I had a five year old, and a three year old. Much less busy than now..... To be down to two would be considered a vacation in today's terms.

Let me set the scene: A mother sits, checking e-mail, a guilty pleasure. The baby naps, the eldest is occupied. Bliss.

Alas, her "Mommy Spidey-Sense" goes off! It has been 15 minutes since the last check in with her eldest son. The suspicious quiet raises her from her seat, knowing these things must be investigated.

She is heavily pregnant, and waddles her large self down the stairs, hoping that this trip will have been unneeded.

The Nintendo game has been abandoned. The living room is empty. The paint, last seen on the top of the entertainment unit, taller than a five year old has a right to climb, is missing.

Fear strikes the heart of the mother. She calls to him. Calls that go unanswered.

There is only one floor of the house left to investigate. The basement.

She reaches the bowels of the house, and can hardly take in the carnage she sees before her.

 Paint on every conceivable surface in the basement. 

The washer, dryer, the drywall was that waiting for it's installation.

The walls, TV, dressers, both front and back.
The melamine cupboards, the table, the futon, and the carpet.

 A lid to a large  Rubber Maid container had served as his palate.   Four colours of finger paint, masterfully mixed. 

Stunned, and speechless, she lasts views a few pieces of paper with foot prints on them, before her eyes rest on the culprit, covered heard to toe was covered in multi-coloured  finger paint. He was working on painting a small table. A masterpiece in his eyes.

Words fail, but she collects herself, before she asks him "What were you thinking??!!!" 

His claim in Response? "Daddy told me to paint the table".

A miracle occurs, and the boys life is saved by the mother's sudden impulse usher the boy up stairs, to set him in front of a movie.
She proceeds to call her grandmother, who chuckles and distracts her whilst she spends some time cleaning.
The boys seems to know what is good for him in that moment, and chooses to sit, angelic, in front of the TV.

 Many surfaces turned out okay, but 45 minutes of time spent cleaning was very tiring.

She returns to the main floor, satisfied a long last,  that she has done all that she can do to rid the basement of the pestilent paint.

.He however, is indignant. "What took you so long?"
When there is no response, he continues "Can I have a treat?"

Somehow he still, in his five year old confusion, looked legitimately put out that I was not happy to hop-to and get him is desired treat.

Nervy kid...... and yes..... In case you're wondering he lives to tell the tale. The Grandma who so lovingly gave him thus aforementioned paint as a gift lived also.

DIY Commercial Grade Bunk Beds

Living in a larger family has both its' perks and it's down falls.

Since we need products that will stand up under significant 'commercial' use, yet are living on a single income, we often find that my Dear Husband's knack for applying his Red Green type skills around the house often comes in handy.

So we have decided that we need to do the great bedroom switch around yet again, in order to better use our limited space.

So this will require that we get creative. Yet again.

This time, it will require the building of bunk beds. Cheaper than custom made, yet better than commercial quality. Score!

We started with 4 x 4's, and 2 x 6's and added joist hangers to the mix. This is beginning of the bottom bunk.

Next we add side supports and we added and installed slats in a 1 x 3" size. 'The Artist' was very happy to get in on the job, since it was hands on work, something he really enjoys. We also got to slide in proof to him of why we bother so much with Math class. See? Angles, measuring, counting and algebra are good for something!

Now, admittedly things were pretty sturdy, but sturdy won't cut it at our place. Next onto adding extra support for the base under the mattress. We need extra support, so this will stand up under the rigorous workload of large family living. We secured them in place with many screws, so that they will stay put!

There was a discussion briefly, about whether all this was necessary. Mark seemed unconvinced that he should have to go to the extra step. 

I did, though, have memories of my childhood, of a child on the top bunk having a pest underneath them, lifting the mattress through the bottom of the top bunk with their feet, because of the slat-type design. To the child that receives the top bunk, you're welcome. This design change is for you.

Once everything was well assembled, we ended up using some paint to 'pretty' things up. Two coats later and now we are ready for the mattresses and bedding. Not too shabby. 

This project has worked out really well. I know it's very simple in design, but we can add to it with decorative touches down the road when we are not as time pressed.

Just for curiosity's sake, I went online to do a price comparison, and see what we saved by dealing finding, and doing the work ourselves. I guess it's no surprise, but I had a hard time finding anything that was built this solid to be able to do an honest price comparison, with all the extra structural work we put into this, but as near as we could guess, we saved about $500. I'd say that was worth our time.

Tales from the 'Use it or Lose it Shelf'

I was finding that our weekly grocery shopping days would always have a fridge clean out attached to them that was taking up too much of my time. We were also having the problem of a lot of waste going directly into the green cart for composting.

With a large family, and a desire to stretch our pennies, I thought "There has got to be a better way".

One day, it occurred to me that a change of approach might serve us better. When we replaced our fridge, creating more usable space, I designated one of the shelves the 'Use it or Lose it Shelf".

Everything that is near expiry date, or left overs, or that would otherwise be relegated to the farthest recesses of the fridge, never to be found again, until it had reached 'science-project' status, goes on this shelf.

We keep it there, because in a pinch, if we need to figure out something for dinner, we can immediately see what needs to be used up.

There are lots of websites out there that allow us to punch in the ingredients we have, and then it'll spoon feed us a recipe that will help us use those ingredients. Getting the kids involved can really work out well too. Helps them to learn cooking skills, and also problem solving.

This morning, the shelf had broccoli  and grape tomatoes on it. So our budding chef, 'The Planner', chose to make an omelette. Some eggs, and cheese and butter later, and Voila! What you see in the picture at the top of this post was born.

One less offering for the green cart!

Things we never thought we'd say (And then we had kids)

We have some pretty eccentric monkeys in our zoo. There are five of them, which almost never leaves us at a loss for strange goings on at our house. So keeping that in mind, we often have to say things that we never ever imagined would come out of our mouths.
Since someone ought to get a laugh out of it, here are snippets of our 12 years as parents. You might want to put that drink down now, and imagine trying to say this with a straight face:


"Gram, is there a procedure for cleaning a child's eye after he has peed in it?" (Josh was a few days old when he took advantage of an open diaper during a change. Chalk it up to being rookie parents)

"Please don't stand on the refrigerator."

"The contents of your diaper are not for painting with."

"Stop biting my sock!"

"Please don't lick the baby."

"Take the Marshmellow out of your nose."

"Honey, we don't tear the wings off flies and take them for walks. They don't like it."

"No, I'm not going to kiss your butt better".

"Sit up please. Your head is too close to the toilet water."

"Yes, I know you are done with them for the year. No, you may not burn your school books."

"Please don't lick the window."

"Spit out that worm. Wait. How many have you eaten?"

"No running with scissors."

"Hand over the diaper stash."

"You need to put on clothes BEFORE we leave the house. Yes. Underwear too."

"Fine. Oatmeal for a third meal today. Just eat SOMETHING."

"You need to stop drinking the bath water."

"Don't lick my arm" (Are we sensing a theme here?)

(On the umpteenth time being asked about 'what's for dinner')  "Frog legs and Purple Ketchup."

" Get down off the __________ I don't have time in my schedule for an emerg trip today." (Can you tell this one took on many forms?)

"No, I do not want to hold your booger."





Hope you found this fun, and that you add a few of your own at the bottom of this post!