Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Things we never thought we'd say (And then we had kids)

We have some pretty eccentric monkeys in our zoo. There are five of them, which almost never leaves us at a loss for strange goings on at our house. So keeping that in mind, we often have to say things that we never ever imagined would come out of our mouths.
Since someone ought to get a laugh out of it, here are snippets of our 12 years as parents. You might want to put that drink down now, and imagine trying to say this with a straight face:

"Gram, is there a procedure for cleaning a child's eye after he has peed in it?" (Josh was a few days old when he took advantage of an open diaper during a change. Chalk it up to being rookie parents)

"Please don't stand on the refrigerator."

"The contents of your diaper are not for painting with."

"Stop biting my sock!"

"Please don't lick the baby."

"Take the Marshmellow out of your nose."

"Honey, we don't tear the wings off flies and take them for walks. They don't like it."

"No, I'm not going to kiss your butt better".

"Sit up please. Your head is too close to the toilet water."

"Yes, I know you are done with them for the year. No, you may not burn your school books."

"Please don't lick the window."

"Spit out that worm. Wait. How many have you eaten?"

"No running with scissors."

"Hand over the diaper stash."

"You need to put on clothes BEFORE we leave the house. Yes. Underwear too."

"Fine. Oatmeal for a third meal today. Just eat SOMETHING."

"You need to stop drinking the bath water."

"Don't lick my arm" (Are we sensing a theme here?)

(On the umpteenth time being asked about 'what's for dinner')  "Frog legs and Purple Ketchup."

" Get down off the __________ I don't have time in my schedule for an emerg trip today." (Can you tell this one took on many forms?)

"No, I do not want to hold your booger."

Hope you found this fun, and that you add a few of your own at the bottom of this post!


  1. Those were classic Jen!! Loved the booger one...I still remember one particular day long ago, before Jeff & I were married, and I was a single Mama with the two littles...anyway, Jeff walked me to my car after church was over...then one of the boys nose got a bit snotty, and without even batting an eye~or really thinking about it, I wiped off the nose AND then proceeded to wipe it on my clothing! I then asked Jeff to hand me something and he was so, sooo grossed out!
    Totally embarrassing....now he laughs at it, because he has since: caught puke, diarrhea, boogers, cleaned up dog messes, gasp witness a live home birth, and who knows what else I've forgotten?! Ahhhh, the life of a parent ;)
    Please link this one up on this week's link up: www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com

    1. It's amazing how your threshold for dealing with the 'gross' gets higher with every passing year.

    2. I blame Mark for the thing with the flies, he use to do that, he never took them for walks but he not only took the wings off he latter taught me how to take their wings off....the were no longer flies they were walks

    3. You know what's kind of funny? The Mountain Goat asked me one day "What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk!!!"

  2. I've said, "Don't lick the cat" and "Take the DVD off your pen!s." Oh, and no, you can't set your brother on fire.

  3. Bahahaha!!! Yes!!! We have 4 kids, 2 through adoption and we say the craziest things as parents. Thanks for adding humor to my day!

  4. So glad you were able to stop by this week's "Inspired By Me Mondays" link-up!! Love this post :) Hope you are able to join us again next week; open from Monday to Friday each week, Rachael @ http://www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com


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