Friday, April 24, 2015

Head Games, and Goals, and Regain! Oh My!

When I left my all time high of 307 pounds, I had lots of thought around 'goal'.
What was that going to look like?
Would I stop at 230? (The weight I couldn't ever pass through)
200? (Clinic's forecasted thoughts on the matter)
170? (My wedding weight, that I never thought in a million years, would happen?)
160? (My want list number?)
157? (To make it an even 150 lost)
Oh the head games.
I *did* make it to 157- for all of a week. I earned my bragging rights, but my butt hurt to sit, and I looked 'too thin'. I thought so, others seemed to, also. It was affecting quality of life to have gone this low.
I called 'goal' at a range of 155-165, to keep me from losing my mind with all of the trying to decide what goal looked like.
But you know where I've actually levelled out for the time being? (at 22 months)
You know. My 'impossible' number.
It seems (for the moment) where my body is happiest, without removing the excess skin.
It would seem that my 'unreasonable' number wasn't so unreasonable after all.
It's not a 'normal BMI'.
It's not everyone else's view of perfection.
I could decide to be discouraged about regain.
Or I could decide it's maintainable with the current laundry list of health issues I'm facing. That I am maintaining a loss of more than 135 pounds, and there is nothing unimpressive about that.
Inadvertently, I built regain into my goal, and balanced out. No guilt required.
Now, to behave myself and stay here.
Just thought I'd share that for anyone struggling with the concepts of goals and regain.